We’re smack in the middle of summer. The kids have been asking about a trip home, which is funny, because it hasn’t really been their home since they were in diapers. But we all still call it “home,” because that’s where family is.

And summer is the ideal time for family reunions. We won’t be attending any this year, I’m afraid. Between work schedules, football camp, and tennis practices, we just ran out of time to make the trip.

Which is sad, because we always said family comes first. And they still do, but this year, they’re going to have to come first from afar.

nuclear family

I keep in regular and frequent contact with these folks — even if they are a motley crew.

I talk to my parents every day, and my grandmother fairly often. I talk to my sister all the time, and I hear from my brother more via computer or text (he, like most men, is not the phone-type). My husband talks to his family regularly, too. And the kids talk to their cousins all the time. Well, they text and SnapChat all the time.

So, while I’d love to see these people, they aren’t the ones I’m missing right now. At least, no more than usual.

I’m thinking about the picnics we had yearly where the whole clan got together. The great-aunt and great-uncles and their kids and grandkids (and then great-grandkids). We didn’t fit in anyone’s backyard, so we’d rent a pavilion at a park, and everyone would haul up homemade dishes to share. I don’t know if you have family reunions, or if you do what you serve, but this was no burger-and-hotdog affair. We had pasta, sausage and peppers, hot pepperoni sandwiches, pizza roll, chicken, antipasto platters, arrancini (rice patties), fried vegetables, fruit, and more desserts than you could sell at a bakery. And these weren’t small casserole dishes of food, either. These were huge roasters or platters. And there were always leftovers.

Kids dug into coolers for drinks and got into ice wars while the adults sipped on someone’s homemade wine. People played bocce, Frisbee, horseshoes, and lawn darts. Yes, lawn darts. And no one got impaled. Well, not seriously, anyway. Later (I’d say after we ate, but we ate all day), we’d break into teams for a softball game—if the field was empty—or tag football. The games usually ended when “tag” turned into “tackle” and one or more uncles realized they weren’t as young as they used to be.

Italian Americans

Nana, Grandpap, his brothers and sisters–a long, long time ago

There was Rat Pack music all day long, and the adults would sing and tell stories. Sometimes they even danced. And by the time we loaded food and family into the car at dusk, we had somehow managed to catch up with every single person there, toasted the ones who were gone, and made plans for the following year (if not sooner with some of them). Cheeks were sore from laughing (and if you were little, from being pinched), eyes stung from holding back tears, and bodies were bone-weary from the long yet wonderful day.

My grandfather is gone now. Has been since 1986. His brothers are all gone, too. All that’s left of his family is two sisters. On my grandmother’s side, she’s the only one left. That generation is dwindling. Cousins of my parents’ generation have already begun passing away. Every time I miss a summer reunion, I wonder who I missed my last chance to visit with.

I’ll always treasure those family reunion memories from when I was a child. Time marches on and things change. People come in and out of our lives. There is a whole new generation at the reunions now, and there are people like me who often miss because they are so far away. The menu is the same, but different people are preparing the food now. The games are the same (minus the lawn darts). But we still play the music that my grandmother loves. We’ve all grown to love it, too.

Summer is a time for family fun. It’s a shame to not make time for it.

For Writers:
Family traditions are a huge part of what makes a person who they are. Even the absence of tradition or of family can say a lot about a person. See if you can’t incorporate some traditional aspects into your WIP to help develop your characters.

For Everyone:
We aren’t going home this year, but we can still have our own picnic here and tell family stories. Maybe I’ll dig out some old family photos and we’ll place a group call to my grandmother to listen to her tell us some tales from back in the day. Are you going to any reunions this year? What are your traditions? Share them with us here.

15 Responses

  1. Staci your family gatherings sound wonderful. I come from a big catholic family of nine kids. When we get together is is crazy times, but rare now. I am looking forward to my baby sisters wedding in November as we all are and hope to catch up with everyone good and proper.

    Truly wonderful memories of growing up in such a loving family Staci, thanks for sharing them with us. I guess on the writing side, as a child I always imagined how cool it would have been to be an only child…….I realise now my crazy childhood shaped the person I am today.

    • I think most of us with large families at one time or another thought being an only child might be nice, but I wouldn’t trade my large family for anything. Those people and those experiences did shape who we became. I read about many different cultures, many different religions, many different upbrinings that people discuss. Some sound happy, some not so much. But I wouldn’t trade my Catholic, Italian-American roots for anything. It was loud, crowded, and sometimes messy, but it was always full of love. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    • One of these days, Pat, we’ll get together. I’ll let you know the next time I get “home.”

  2. My mother’s side of the family is big on reunions, but the past four years have taken their toll on the family. We’ve lost many beloved members. You may be a bit sad that you won’t be making the trip ‘home’ this year. I’m sad that so many of my family live nearby and I still don’t see them.

    My paternal grandmother will be 94 in October and we’ve had mini reunions the past few years because we all know she’ll be leaving us. She went to the eye doctor a few weeks ago and he told her, “we’ll get you to 100.” I wouldn’t mind. 🙂

    • My grandmother is 96, and I treasure every moment I have with her, on the phone and in person, so I know just what you mean. I hope you get your wish, Missy.

  3. For nine years that we lived in New York, we were adopted by Italian families and so can just see your reunion because we gathered many times with a mixed bag of adopted relatives. My father’s family name is such that everyone with that name is related to us. They have had a few of those type reunions in Texas but we have missed every one, though our name is passed around to those who attend and I am often contacted. I now know some of my shirt tail kin from all over the country because of this. I always hoped to attend one, but don’t think they are having them anymore. Sad, too. Our own family has shrunk until not many are left. I am now the eldest in the immediate family. Makes me feel a bit lonely sometimes.

    • That is sad that you’ve missed the Texas reunions, although it’s wonderful that they kept you there in spirit. I’m waiting for the day when we no longer have reunions, or my family is no longer invited or remembered. That day will be truly sad. Sometimes times don’t change for the better.

  4. I miss the family reunions that we used to have. As the years go by, the reunions seem to be fewer and far between. Just last week, my husband was contacted by his cousin, they are having a family renuion. The first in more than ten years. We are extremely excited to go and of course, everyone will be making their favorite dish.

    As a writer, I use my Italian family traditions and background to form my characters’ background. Many of our family traditons involve gathering together and food. What could be bad?

  5. We once had big family reunions. On my Dad’s side of the family, they were usually held at his oldest sister’s house. Every year we had a big celebration for my grandmother’s birthday. Family and extended family came. Somehow, her house held everyone (now I can’t imagine how). We had reunions on my Mom’s side of the family also, although her family was spread out over several states.

    I miss those days. Now that most of the older generation has passed, we just don’t get together anymore. Sad, but a sign of the times. People are too busy (and maybe a little too self-centered) to do these things.

    • It’s so sad when traditions fall by the wayside like that. Something similar happened on my husband’s side of the family for a while, then his brother stepped up and organized a reunion. Now they’re in full swing again, but under the planning of a new generation. Sometimes it just takes a little new blood (and a lot of leg work) to get people together again. And if it’s not to be, you always have your memories.

  6. I won’t make it home for the family reunion either, but I might make it home for Festa Italiana. Even though those aren’t the same memories I have of our family reunions, (mine are mostly from a child’s standpoint) I miss them often. And every time I go home I start to wonder the same thing. I wonder about my fiancé’s parents, too, because they’re in my grandparents’ generation. Military doesn’t leave much time for family. I won’t miss that one bit.

    • Our memories might not be of the same people/generation, but they do overlap a bit. Maybe one of these years we’ll hit the same event and make some memories together!

      • That would be wonderful! I can’t remember the last family gathering we were home for at the same time. I hope I can make it home for the reunion on my father’s side.

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